I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
