he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
