I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
