youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
