it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
