i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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