He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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