Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
