I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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