Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
