Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
