Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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