I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
