she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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