All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
