I accidentally had phone sex last night
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
