First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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