yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
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