It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
