She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
it's like iHOP with fire
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
