one might say we're banned from that church
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
