I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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