Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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