It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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