I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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