Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
