She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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