is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
