As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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