I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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