Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
there is puke in my bra ... again
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