Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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