omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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