There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
