I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Come on in and take your pants off
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