on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
