Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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