I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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