I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
