Cold hands, warm shart.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Houston, we have a squirter
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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