can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
And then the night went full on bisexual.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
