Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
