you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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