walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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