What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
