i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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