So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
