4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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