Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
