Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
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