You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
