Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
