My cat gives me a boner
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
So squirting runs in the family.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Still dying that you shit outside
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
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